Emotions and parenting

Little Liam is not happy. He wants the star wars bowl, but Aedon gave it to Luke. Liam throws a fit. Now Luke is crying too. After calming Luke and ensuring him that Liam will not be taking his bowl from him, I have to address the underlying issue with Liam. He is now tossing himself around on the floor like a crazy person, crying and screaming about the star wars bowl. I send him up stairs to gain some self-control. A few more minutes of crying/screaming pass and finally he is in control of his emotions and we can talk. I give Liam the choice, “you may either choose to have a happy heart, and eat out of the snoopy bowl, or choose a spanking. If you choose to throw a fit, you are choosing a spanking. You decide.” He thinks about it for a moment, and then tells me very quietly, “Happy heart.” We pray, and ask God to help him to choose to have a happy heart, and down stairs he plods, off to eat his cereal with a happy heart. I wish I could say it comes natural for Liam, that he chooses to be happy rather than pout and try to manipulate others to get his own way, but that simply is not true. He has his own opinions and is NOT happy when you disagree. But I can say, after 4 years of correcting, challenging, and lots of tears and hugs, he is developing into a little boy who is choosing his response based more than soley his emotional reaction. His big brother Aedon has become quite the old pro at it. He tells me in the morning, “mom, it’s going to be a great day!” and I usually say “how do you know?” and his response is always “because I choose to have a great day!”. He knows, it’s ingrained in him. You don’t allow an emotional response to determine what kind of day you have. Also, you don’t allow temporary circumstances to determine your mood! You are in charge of your flesh, as easily as you can decide to feel sorry for yourself, you can decide to be happy.

Not to say that your child (or you) won’t have a bad day. It happens all the time in the Harper House. Making this choice is hard. It’s making your flesh submit. I know many adults, that when faced with a no in their lives, will try to bargain, to fight, to argue and claw there way in to getting what they want. After they have tried manipulation, and any other means they have at their disposal, and they finally have to resign themselves to this NO in their lives (whether deserved or not) they do not gracefully decide to have a happy heart. They write their letters of complaint, make phone calls and tell every single person they come in contact with how hard they have it.. convincing themselves that they are indeed being treated unfairly and truly have the saddest story to be told.

How do you train your children to choose to be happy, regardless of the circumstances?

1.) 1) Show them. If you throw a fit because things don’t work out the way you had planned or hope, don’t be surprised to see your 3 year old on the floor in walmart screaming for candy when you tell him no. Your response is much more important than what you say. Your children are well aware of your emotions and your emotional response, if you can’t control yours, don’t expect them to.

Remember Emotions are not indications of outcomes. Just because your initial emotional reaction is to be sad, doesn’t mean you have to stay there. Often times we base the outcome of our day on early emotional reactions. I refuse to allow someone who cut me off to determine I am having a bad day. IF there is still time in the day, there is time to turn it around. Never allow temporary circumstances to determine your attitude.

2.) 2) Give them opportunities to practice. Often times we feel like we are helping our children when we shield them from dissapointments in life. I think there are balances to be found. We obviously don’t need to expose our children to heartache for exposures sake, but when a dissapointment is inevitable, we should allow our child to feel it, and be there for them, and show them how to cope and overcome it. We are so quick to distract them from the dissapointments in life with bigger and better things, that they never have the chance to learn how to cope. IF they can learn how to deal with Dissapointments early on in life, they will be better prepared for real life. When that child has his first job, and doesn’t get the raise he wants he will either resolve to find a different job because his boss is “unfair” or resolve to work harder, to be on time and improve as an employee so that he might qualify for the next raise. His boss will NOT say to him “I’m sorry you didn’t get this raise, but if you stop crying I will give you a bigger raise…” but often times I see parents do this sort of thing.

3.) 3) Pray—Never underestimate the power of prayer in your child’s life. When we started praying with our children, that God would help them to choose to have a happy heart, we saw a tremendous difference. As Adults, this is how we should be coping. We need to rely on God’s strength when we feel weak, to find his source of Joy when we are sad, to allow him to encourage us, to empower us and to rest in him. This is what we need to teach our children!

4.) 4) Have Grace. Realize, your children will respond poorly—a lot. IT’s not acceptable, but it should be expected. I always give my children plenty of warnings and time to gain self-control on their own before I take any steps of discipline. Children who have learned to gain self-control on their own, are much better off than those who are forced to internalize their feelings. Just because a child has stopped crying, does not mean he is no longer sad. Just because he can plaster a smile on his face, does not mean he has chosen to have a happy heart and changed his attitude. You should be more concerned with the transformation of their hearts than the fit stopping. Sometimes it takes time, and it always takes patience on your part.

A new perspective on "busyness"

After posting my last blog, I recieved a lot of feedback from it. Alot of it was regarding how busy I am. I don't really see my life much different than the typical Stay at home mom, and honestly, that was a pretty typical day, not a busy one by any means. It was certainly never my intention in posting the blog, for people to think that I am too busy, because I am not. I do think my life is full, and that i am often busy, but rarely do I think I am too busy.

It got me to thinking about people's perspective about being busy. Spending as much time as I do with young people, college students and other parents, I have noticed a trend in that people are constantly worried about how busy they are. Here are some things that have helped me gain better perspective:

How do you a live a full life and not allow yourself to become overwhelmed?

1.) Change your vocabulary. Some people just want to tell others how busy they are. Sometimes thier motivations are that they want others to realize all that they are doing, othertimes, they are worried that they are taking on too much. How do you know if you are doing too much? How do you know what to add and what to take out?

When we decide whether to add an activity the first thing we do is to judge whether it will help us pursue kingdom purpose, or make it more difficult? There have been times, when we chose an activity that would make our lives challenging, but they were for a short season, and we were determined not to allow the activity to keep us from what we were called to, and we didn't. For instance, we decided to take the kids to swimming lessons, it was 2 times a week for a month. Each class was 1/2 hour and the boys classes were right after each other. We literally had to run out of class to make it to our departmen leader meetings on Tuesdays, but we did it. The kids enjoyed it, and we did not allow it to stress us out. We were determined to make it work, because it was for a short season, we would not have done it for any longer than we did though!

For us, if it will make life stressful, and is not connected to kingdom purpose, and doesn't benefit the family as a whole, we usually choose not to do it.

I am baffled at how many people think being busy is a bad thing. What is your alternative? Being idle? Busy does not need to equate with stress, if it does in YOUR life, you are either busy doing things that don't fufill the purpose God has for you, or your perspective needs to change. You Should be tired by the end of the day! If you are not, you are not living life to it's full potential. Especially if you have children, and young children at that, you should expect to go to bed, needing to sleep! Yes, there are times to relax, take it easy and lounge around, but the majority of your time, should be spent doing something significant.

2.) Make better choices with your time. I know when I feel like I have too much to do, i can usually look back on my day and see where I really misspent some of my time. Whether it was getting caught up in facebook, or playing a game, or watching tv, i can usually trace it back to spending it on some sort of entertainment for myself. Not that entertainment is inherently bad, it is nice to cuddle up with one you love, and watch a movie but if you allow entertainment to be a priority in your life, it will become a waste of your precious time.

I do believe getting rest, helps with perspective, your emotions and your propensity to deal with stress, if you consistently choose "unwinding" in front of the tv for hours, instead of going to bed, you will feel stressed out, you will feel overwhelmed and you will be exhuasted, all of the time!

Also, learn to say no. When it comes to adding activities to your day, whether it be a sport for your children, guitar lessons, or another play group wants you to join, you need to constantly be looking at the bigger picture. If playing soccer will interfere with your ultimate goals in life, why would you even place your child on the team? Unless you feel like that particular sport is connected to your child's call in life, it should always be low on the list of priorities, especially if you have a full schedule, and are having problems dealing with your current activities. If your concerned about keeping your children active, it may serve you better to do something as a family, that benefits the entire family at once, and spends less of your precious time.

3.) Don't compartmentalize your life! Over the summer, Will and I spent every "Date Night" at Youth America Summer camps. And they were some of the best Date Nights we've had. Many people live thier lives so compartmentalized that it is hard to function. They have date night, family night, church night.. and they don't dare think you can combine any of those. We often times invite people over, or plan to meet people at the park on a pre-planned "family night". Why would we do that? Many people would say, "don't you realize how important it is to spend time with your kids?" Oh definently we do, I also realize how important it is to show them what Life is TRULY about--others. When we take the kids to the park, to meet with another family, where our goal is to be a light to them, we may not spend an hour discussing life with our boys...but they see what real life looks like. Ministering to others, right there, with our children 2 feet away. When you live a life, compartmentalized, your children miss out on so much. No, my kids will problably not be the next football or soccer star, why? Because we don't feel like Soccer and Football are a part of thier destiny, and kingdom purpose is much higher on our priority list than extra curricular sports will ever be.

So, when it comes to being busy,

You SHOULD be busy.. don't waste the life God gave you!

You problably aren't as busy as you've talked yourself into believing you are.

If you are too busy, reprioritize, and spend your time more wisely.

Don't compartmentalize your life. You should be a Christian, Parent, Spouse, Friend, Servant, Light to others wherever you go, whatever you are doing.

Change your perspective.. I'm not busy, my life is FULL! :0)

A glimpse of the chaos

A day in the life of me: A stay at home mom to 3 kids and a nephew.

7:01 am Two underwear-clad children wake me up, with cries of hunger pains, and professing that their light did in fact turn green. "I hungary mommy, I hungary, my light turned green and I am so very Hungary.."--Liam. I overslept my internal alarm clock and am now behind schedule. Not how I like to begin the day, but it is what it is.

7:02--the children remind me of thier starving bellies, and I instruct them to do thier morning chores. While they are busy cleaning and making beds, I grab Allie who has NOT found a way to take her diaper full of poo off and spread it everywhere--Thank God!

7:20--chores complete, baby changed and boys are still starving. Aedon is in charge of breakfast, and Liam drinks. I of course handle the milk..

7:25--Luke cries because Aedon gives him a medium big spoon, I am too tired to respond correctly, so i take it from him, act like i am taking it from the drawer and tell him it's a big-big spoon.. like he wants..

7:30--Allie throws all of her food on the floor and says "uh-oh!" in that voice where you know she did it on purpose. It's the second time this week, so she is done eating for the morning.

8:00-- Boys do thier table chores, Allie is busy destroying the kitchen by emptying all the contents of each cupboard onto the floor, I am trying to get dressed and ready to face parents/teachers in a few minutes.

8:30-- I load all 3 kids into my car (Angela takes Luke), they of course act like they have no idea where to sit, and wait impatiently while I explain once again who sits where. Allie is hitting me in the face while I do so. She recieves a firm squeeze to the hand, and starts throwing a fit. Everyone buckles, and we're off.

8:45--After our morning prayer in the car, we arrive at Aedon's School. He practically runs out of the car, barely giving me a kiss and an "I love you!" while he goes to class.

9:00 am-- We arrive at liam's school. He plays with Yadi, his new friend. Who he calls his "girl". I'm assuming it's because she IS a girl, he says "girls are not friends, they are girls". He is excited to see his teacher, but does give me a big hug before Allie and I leave.

9:30am-- We arrive home. I put Allie in her pack N play so she can play quietly by herself, I must get started on the long list of to do's

10:30 am-- Allie HAS managed to take her diaper off. It's my fault, I didn't put her pants back on after I changed her. Thankfully she has only peed, but she has rolled around in it, and is literally DRENCHED in it.

11:30-- Allie (who is now clean) and I pick Luke and Liam up from School. They are both happy to see us. Luke is once again, covered in paint, and Liam is telling me all about the boy in the spiderman shirt.

1:00pm-- All 3 kids have been fed, and put to bed. Thank God. I finally catch a bit of alone time. I haven't eaten yet, but i'm sure i'll get to it. I read my Bible for a bit, then zone out online for awhile before i know it it's ...

3:00pm-- Liam bounds down the stairs-- "My light turned green!!! My light turned Green!" He and I snuggle for a few minutes while we can, and watch whatever happens to be on PBS..

4:30pm--all the kids are up, I am waiting at the bus stop for Aedon. Will just got home, so I can wait by myself. I am always so excited to see his smiling face. To hear about his day and give him a big hug. The bus, like usual, is late.

5:30-- I realize that I never did eat.. and I don't recall eating breakfast, so the 2 cups of coffee I downed earlier will have to do till Dinner. The boys are starving again, feeling the need to tell me every 5 minutes or so that they are hungry. Will makes dinner, and I am so thankful I don't have to cook!

6:30--After Dinner, boys do thier table chores, the kids are a little rowdy today, so we send the boys upstairs for a bit, and Will and I enjoy some reading time. Allie is playing in the tv room with us...

7:00--It's bath time for Liam. He cries and cries because he wants to bring his new iron man transformer into the bath. We have a long discussion about choosing the right response. He doesn't respond well unfortunantly, and recieves a spanking. After a few minutes of his fit, and some more discussion, he decides he'll be happy with the toy he gets. His bath is shortened though because it took so long to get him in there!

7:30--We start Night time chores, put Allie to bed, and get boys ready for bed. After a little Bible Story time we snuggle, talk a little and then it's time for bed.

10:00pm--I'm ready for bed!!!! it's been a long day, but so happy for it. Tomorrow will start soon enough. :0)

Liam's adventure

Yesterday, Liam turned 4. I am still astonished and amazed at the little boy he has become. He is imaginative, curious, sincere, passionate, inspiring, and wonderful. In all the years that I have been around children, I have never met a child so focused and passionate about his play!

This picture here is from a few weeks ago. Grandpa was watching Liam as will and I were in a meeting. When we got home, this is what we came home to. Liam, during nap-time, had made himself a superhero. I suppose he was tired of taking masks off, or having to wear regular clothing, and decided to make himself a more permanent solution. Did i mention this is permanent marker? It took every ounce of control i had (and even then I lost it a few times) not to laugh while explaining to him why we don't color on ourselves. He cried and cried when we washed it off.. very upset that his artwork and hard work was coming off. I am still impressed at how clear those circles are on his "mask" when he didn't have a mirror.

Liam is a character every day (literally). Yesterday on the way to church, i looked back, and he was wearing a batman mask. Not only was he wearing one, but he was also driving a batman car. Almost the whole hour drive, he was silently sitting in the back seat, driving his batman car. :)

He also, has a very difficult time hearing his name when he is in character. 99% of the time, if I need his attention, I will have to call him by his character name to get it. I can say "Liam, Liam.." all I want, and he doesn't even blink, but as soon as i say "batman" he looks right at me... amazing :)

There were days early on in Liam's toddlerhood that I really didn't know what kind of mother I could be for him. Would I be able to be stronger willed than him? Or would I give in because he can scream louder and longer than I can tolerate. I am so happy that we were consistent, that we are constant with not only our discipline, but our unending love for him. He is such a joy. He is excelling in school, learning how to behave socially and is so much fun to be around. What other kid will introduce himself to his teacher as Iron man....

It has been a wonderful 4 years. The bad times are but mere moments, and lets face it, we all have had our own moments. The memories are priceless, and the knowledge, dedication, perseverance, patience, and understanding gained, for that, we are indebted to him. I am excited about the next year and for those to come. To see my little superhero become all that God has for him!!

Changes

Since my last post, Aedon my oldest, has turned 6 and is now in the first grade. I have had a birthday as well (28th) and Liam has started pre-school. Wow! What a difference a few weeks can make! Liam is going to a private Preschool, he is going 3 days a week, for half days, Luke my nephew is going too! To say it's refreshing to have a few hours to just Allie and I a week, is an understatement. Although I have this tendency to try and get everything done in this extra free time, i am also trying to relax a little!!!

Liam absolutely loves school. We prayed that he would have a teacher that was kind to him. I have found people often misjudge him, and misunderstand him. He does have some out-of-control fits at times and can loose control of his emotions over what seems insignificant, but it matters to him. Having a teacher that will be firm and not allow him to control the class, but that will also be understanding and kind-hearted when he needs her to be, is wonderful. As hard and stubborn as Liam is at times, he can also be the most vulnerable, sweet and tender boy. On his first day, I was more nervous then he was. He has become this very talkative little boy. He introduced himself to all his "friends" as we waited for the doors to open. Of course, his name was no longer Liam. A teacher asked him his name, his response "I'm Iron Man, I have wings..." He told me the other day "Miss Rhonda (his teacher) makes me laugh, she makes me happy..." So sweet, so proud of him and so happy that his first expierence with school is so positive!

Aedon is loving school as well, I am not suprised though. He has always been my very friendly child. What he loves most about school? Making friends. He has 2 friends he talks about every day now. He also loves to play at recess, the other stuff is tolerable. :) We've been talking to him about sowing and reaping alot lately. Believing he will sow into good relationships, and reap good friends. He seems to get it. He often times, because he is so sweet and doesn't want to hurt anyone, will allow people to not be good friends to him, we are hoping to help him find a healthier balance...

Allie has been loving the extra one on one time we've had. She is growing up so fast. Her newest "trick" is jumping. She can jump very well. She loves to dance and sing too. It's quite amazing all she can do at the ripe age of 15 months. She is learning to say "Liam" and knows how to say Aedon. She loves to play with her brothers, and with her dolls.

I am amazed at how much my kids have changed in the last few weeks. I am excited for what this next year holds..

Training them up

Aedon spent the night at a friends house the other day. He and his friend Sam have been buds since they first met at the Stillwater Campus. Even after his family moved to Edmond, they have still remained close. I always wonder how Aedon will behave when he is away from home. His teachers always love him and tell me how well behaved he is, but I am still always curious how he will act when it's more than a day away. When I met up with Sam's mom to check up on Aedon, I was pleasantly surprised and proud of my little man. A little boy got hurt at the birthday party, Aedon's response was to rush and find his Bible, and bring it to him. He said "this will fix it, it will make it better." The little boy's mom read a scripture and prayed over the little boy's foot. Soon later the boy felt better, and Aedon's response was "see, it's better now." When I spoke to him about it on the way home, he said "I knew he would be healed" very matter-of-factly. There was never any doubt in our little 5 year old's mind whether God would come through or not.

Of course, we have spent a lot of time talking about healing and God's power in our lives. I am so happy and proud that Aedon is not only listening, but is convinced of it's truth.

By taking the little moments in life to practice God's word with our children, we are training them and guiding them down the right path. "You Shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way and when you lie down, and when you rise. " (Deuteronomy 6:7 ESV) There are opportunities every day to share scripture, and life lessons with our children, to train them up in the way that they should go. So many times we allow things to distract us from our most important job as parents. More important than sleep training or potty training, or learning to read, is teaching our children a love for Jesus and others. It is something they will not learn at school, and their Sunday School teachers don't have enough time in a week to be solely responsible for passing that on. It is learned at home, from mom and dad, and grandma and grandpa, from those who mean the most to your children.

I am very proud of my little boy, knowing he is listening and learning and applying the truth of God's word to his life already is so exciting!

Taming the Craziness..

It was one of those days. The kids woke up crying, apparently starving because I refused to give them another snack before bedtime. The boys started fighting over little things, whether or not one of them said no or yes... Allie had been whining pretty much all morning. Unfortunately food did not fix their mood, and it was starting to wear on me. I could feel the transformation within me, similar to the hulk, just not so green. Blood pressure rising, becoming frustrated easily, and overall-irritated. How does this happen? How does an adult allow their mood to be completely changed by a 5, 3, and 1 year old? I realized my response was the problem. I find that if I take time for God in the morning before my children awake, and invite him into my day, I still have to turn to him when I am tempted to become overwhelmed. I can't simply invite him into my day, and neglect to turn to him when I need him. I made a vow a long time ago, to never be the crazy lady at Walmart. You know, the one who is screaming at her kids at the top of her lungs... I have never been that lady at wal-mart, but have found myself responding poorly and less than dignified in the comfort of my own home.

I have been listening to Connie Brown's parenting teaching lately, and something she spoke still resonates within me. "the growth of the parent, directly correlates with the growth of the children" in other words, if you as a parent, are not stretching, growing and maturing you will hinder your children. Remembering to respond correctly in the middle of it is difficult at times. When all the kids are screaming in the middle of Walmart I definitely understand the why's behind the "crazy lady's" reaction. Without Jesus I don't know how parents do it? How do they regain composure and make the right choice when it matters so much? Our children are watching our responses. We can tell them all day how to act, but if we can't muster up our own self-control they too will have issues. They are learning more from watching us than listening. (we all know they don't listen 1/2 the time anyways!) So my vow is to not be the crazy lady. At Walmart, or at home. To allow what I believe to govern what I think, say and do. (sound familiar Rhema-nites?) To allow my beliefs more control in my life than my emotions. It is easier said than done. Which is why, when I see the crazy lady at Walmart, I refuse to judge her, but pray for her. Offer a slight smile to her, hoping to catch her eye, and let her know I understand. If it weren't for the grace of God, and his strength in my life, I might be right there with her. As I type this, Liam is Hung-ary, Allie is POUNDING on her Piano and "singing" (Screaming) and Aedon is yelling at Liam to stop talking. :) And I am believing this Scripture...

Isaiah 40:31" But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint."

Allie's steps

Allie has started walking! She started about 2 weeks ago actually, but i just realized I never posted about it. After having 2 crazy boys, i really thought i had a corner on parenting young children, but girls are SO much different. I really am not sure why, I think it's a combination of my natural response and her unique differences that make it so extreme. She LOVES to walk to me and ask for kisses, and snuggles, something I still can't get my boys to do. :) She cares for her baby, and hugs her and kisses her. Such distinctions from my boys. Although my boys have "pets" (stuffed dogs) they sleep with, they are not usually interested in involving them in play, unless of course they are a ferocious monster trained to kill.

So, she took her first steps, while Will and I both watched in pride. I suspected she could walk earlier, but hadn't had a chance to sit with Will and patiently wait for those first wonderful steps, so I didn't try to get her to, because I didn't want Will to miss it.

We both were obviously excited, I was a little sad, but not as much as I expected to be. I thought since she is my last baby, I would be sad, but I am content, for now. To allow nature to take it's course. For her to grow and flourish.

Of course, now that she has been walking for a bit, she's an old pro. She took to climbing the stairs today, there will be no celebration for that though, just some baby proofing. :)

Discipline

One thing I absolutely HATE hearing parents say is "we use spankings as a last resort." There are so MANY things wrong with this one statement.

Now, let me clear the air, I'm a firm believer in Spankings as a form of discipline when it is administered correctly and preferably with some sort of paddle.

What bothers me so much about this statement?

1) if you don't believe in a method of discipline, DON'T USE IT! If you don't believe spankings are a correct method to discipline your children, by all means, STOP! Either research the Bible and find proof for or against, and pray and make your mind up, or don't use it.

Our children know when we are not convinced of our right to do something. If you feel like what you are doing is wrong, they will be able to tell, it will be an ineffective tool of discipline. Also, they won't trust your authority because you are not even convinced of it.

2.) Never turn to spankings when you are frustrated. When someone says it's there last resort, it usually means that they are at the end of their rope. It means that they have given up on the other forms of discipline, and are ready for drastic extremes. Usually this kind of "discipline" is no discipline at all. A spanking, motivated by frustration, run by emotion and anger is not discipline. It is usually vengeance by the hand of the parent. The worst kind of abuse have been administered by a parent who never believed in spankings, and allowed themselves to turn to it when they were angry and could not control themselves. A Spanking should be administered with as little emotion attached to the act itself. A child has earned their spanking, by being defiant/disobedient, and will receive their discipline. Much like the cashier hands over your purchase that you have bought, a child "buys" his discipline. We are just the one to administrate it. Not to say that there are not emotions involved, because there are, but our emotions should not drive a spanking. A great chance of love and closeness WILL occur after a spanking is delivered, ESPECIALLY if it was not delivered with anger or frustration. This of course takes patience, practice and time.

3.) There should be no last resort:

Discipline works by being consistent. Even if you have to discipline your child all day long, there should not be a last resort. We CANT give up, the stake are too high. If you find yourself frustrated, irritated, angry and upset with your child, take a breath, take a break, your child doesn't have to receive his discipline the exact second the misbehavior occurs, many times stopping and thinking through discipline has a better result than just reacting to the misbehavior with whatever pops into your head.

We cannot allow ourselves to get so upset with our kids that we are tempted to give up. Some children ARE more strong-willed than others, and they take a certain kind of patience, and perseverance. I am unsure how parents of strong-willed children succeed without Jesus, as I run to him constantly when i began to feel overwhelmed by my own Strong-willed boy. There is no last resort, we MUST preserver!

Also, let me interject, I don't think Spankings are the only type of discipline, I do however believe they are most affective when your child defies you. When they look you right in the eye and say "i will not obey". That is when spankings are most affective and needful in my opinion.

I will post more on this topic later

Aedon came down stairs from his nap, in just his underwear, with his sock's tied around his ankles. I wish I could've taken a picture of it, but I think he would've been embarrassed. He has an obsession with tying things lately. Maybe it's because he's been tying his shoes (or trying to at least). We are constantly having to untie a car that has been tied to a plane, which was tied to a boat... Thankfully he hasn't tried tying anything to his siblings (yet) just himself.

He also has a great vocabulary, and loves to talk. I think quality time may be his love language as he is always saying "momma I want to spend special time with you." It is very sweet. He said to me the other day "momma, I am very old, I am 5 and 3 coins old." "5 and 3 quarters Aedon?" -me "yep!"-Aedon. :D

something stinks...

Today, as I was changing Alanna’s diaper, Aedon came in to try and coerce me into buying him something. As soon as he got close to the contents of Allie’s diaper, he started gagging. He held his breath, plugged his nose and RAN out of the room as quickly as he could. I of course, along with Allie, thought this was quite funny. I called him back in to ask him to dispose of the dirty diaper; I could see the hesitation in his eyes as if to ask, “Are you really asking me to touch that thing??” Alas, he did what he was asked, with nose plugged, breath held and holding the dirty diaper by its corner, as far away from his body as possible. He then proceeded to approach Liam, He said “Liam, smell this diaper…” Liam’s response? “mmmm”. Wow. Boys amaze me. I think I have seen it all, been exposed to it all, and I am still amazed. Haha Im sure this is not solely a “boy” thing but just a quirk of a 3 year old, but I’d rather blame it on boys in general, because there is NO WAY he got that from ME! :D

Speaking of growth...

Little Liam is in a mood. He doesn’t want to obey, he doesn’t want to submit and he certainly doesn’t want to show me his happy heart. He is however making me so proud right now, because he IS using his words. Those of you whom have encountered Liam in a fowl mood know this, that kid is LOUD, and he knows how to throw a good fit. Liam started his fit throwing stage at about 9 months, before he could walk. HE would bang his little head on the ground over and over in attempt to get his way. Not only was this ineffective at getting his way, he had a perpetual bruise on his forehead for months. It did however break my heart, but I decided long ago to be more strong-willed than he could ever be, for the stakes are too high to allow him to win. After the head-banging stage, which lasted well into his 2^nd birthday, came the screaming and throwing himself around. Liam had some moves! His cries would echo through Wal-Mart like a roar. I’m surprised no one called DHS for fear of his life. It’s certainly by the grace of God that we have made it through this stage. I may be speaking prematurely to say we are out of the woods, but I can see daylight! There is hope!

He has become quite the proficient communicator. Trying desperately to win me over with his words, and pleas for agreement. Alas he looses the battle, but throws in a good fit for a last straw. The fit lands him some time to sit and gain self-control.

As he sits quietly, I can’t help but smile. What a long way we have come little Liam. Not to say that the battles are over, for Liam always seems to have some fight left in him, but thankfully so do I.

Growth Chart

It's funny how whenever I start to get comfortable, God likes to challenge me to grow. I have been listening to Connie Brown talk about parenting (in her series, "I got stretch marks for this?"). In this teaching series she talks about growth, and that the growth of the parent directly correlates with the growth of the child. I have been mulling this over for the last several weeks.

Anyone who personally knows us knows that our kids are wonderful, and that we have a very strong-willed child named Liam. Liam has been challenging me to grow all his life. Often times when we feel stretched we blame the child, or their temperament, not realizing that God was full-aware of the temperament of each child he would bless us with, and the weaknesses in our own lives we will have to overcome to reach our full potential. I propose that when we feel stretched, when we are stressed out and feel overwhelmed because of one of our children, it is simply an area that we need to grow. Every time i hear these words "I am Stressed out right now" come out of my mouth, I realize, I need to grow up.

Now, i consider myself to be a fairly mature person, and it's a tough pill for me to swallow at times to realize that my child's growth is stunted by my refusal to grow.

This i know, when Liam starts to argue with me, and i've had a long day, i physically feel my body brace itself for the oncoming battle that i know will ensue. My voice rises, i start to think irrationally and react, quickly and compulsively instead of a measured response that serves everyone best. Why is it that we excuse ourselves from growth, but expect our children to tow the line? We feel because we are the adult, it must be because he threw a temper tantrum in wal mart that we are stressed, overlooking the fact that we made him skip his nap and substituted lunch with goldfish. Or we blow up on our children because we have told them 5 times to make their bed and it is still left unmade. we tend to dismiss the fact that had we disciplined them the first time they disobeyed and every time after, we wouldn't be yelling at them, for something we've allowed them to do.

I find I am in need of real growth. I need to be more patient, more understanding, more apt to say yes. I need to let loose with my kids, play and enjoy them more. I know that I do a great job with them, but my desire is to be a mirror to them, of their heavenly father. That Will and I can show them what repentance and true forgiveness looks like. That we can equip and enable them to govern themselves, and allow themselves to be governed by the Holy Spirit.

So, today I look at my growth chart, and realize, I have improved and grown further in these last months then I even knew was needful. I am excited about the future, knowing more growth is sure to occur, and realizing that though it is painful, it is vital to not only my kids reaching their full potential, but so that i might reach mine as well.

Feistiness

Alanna (aka Allie) is not only our last baby (by our plans at least), she also is the only girl, and she tries to run this place. She has recently begun attacking the boys. She will follow after them, on her knees, and pounce. She literally kneels there with her arms above her head and throws herself down on their unsuspecting bodies. I tell her no, she looks at me with disdain only a woman can give, and does it again. Her favorite move seems to be a direct slap in the face though. I think she gets the best reaction to that. She is resiliant, persistant and fiesty, but she is a Harper, she gets it honest (all from her dad of course).

All of my children have a feistiness to them. Aedon is by far the most mellow, although when he was a baby we were convinced he was strong-willed. Turns out we didn't even know what strong-willed looked like, he was just whiney because we babied him.

Liam is my strong-willed child. He started asserting his will at the ripe age of 4 months, and it's been a challenging battle at times, but also very rewarding. Strong-willed children are very passionate. Liam is passionate about getting his own way, and about being in control. He is also passionate about his little sister (it took some time, but now it's a positive thing), he is passionate about his family, and he is learning to be passionate about others. We have moments of outright defiance, but nothing in comparison to the previous years of frustration when he would bang his little head on the floor in anger.

I am uncertain to what degree Allie is blessed with strong-willed tendencies. We will soon find out I am sure. She certainly has the best expressions, and does not fail to communicate herself with others. Allie doesn't need words, just a look. That i'm certain she got from her father.

passion

It’s 7 am, all 3 of my children are awake, and characteristically starving. Liam, my 3 year old has asked 5 times to eat cearal, with a bowl and spoon and milk, I am still trying to wake up, so he must wait.

Aedon and I are watching wonderpets, while Allie the baby is being a little energetic this morning jumping around on her hands and knees like a kangaroo. She is one, and not walking yet, but we are all fine with waiting for those first steps.

Aedon turns to me and says “mommy, I think Alanna has been drinking Daddy’s Crazy Juice…” yes, I think she has. We all have. This house is a bit crazy, a bit intense, and very passionate.

We are passionate about God, about reaching others and speaking life into everyday situations. We are passionate about our church www.churchoftheharvest.com , we are passionate about mentoring the next generation, and I am passionate about encouraging, uplifting and supporting mothers, and parents of all kinds. My desire is that I can help mothers to feel more confident about raising, teaching and disciplining their children.

As for now, my 3 year old is saying “I hungary, I hungary, I hungary” (I’m hungry) over and over again with his little face literally inches from mine.. I must feed him I suppose.