Taming the Craziness..

It was one of those days. The kids woke up crying, apparently starving because I refused to give them another snack before bedtime. The boys started fighting over little things, whether or not one of them said no or yes... Allie had been whining pretty much all morning. Unfortunately food did not fix their mood, and it was starting to wear on me. I could feel the transformation within me, similar to the hulk, just not so green. Blood pressure rising, becoming frustrated easily, and overall-irritated. How does this happen? How does an adult allow their mood to be completely changed by a 5, 3, and 1 year old? I realized my response was the problem. I find that if I take time for God in the morning before my children awake, and invite him into my day, I still have to turn to him when I am tempted to become overwhelmed. I can't simply invite him into my day, and neglect to turn to him when I need him. I made a vow a long time ago, to never be the crazy lady at Walmart. You know, the one who is screaming at her kids at the top of her lungs... I have never been that lady at wal-mart, but have found myself responding poorly and less than dignified in the comfort of my own home.

I have been listening to Connie Brown's parenting teaching lately, and something she spoke still resonates within me. "the growth of the parent, directly correlates with the growth of the children" in other words, if you as a parent, are not stretching, growing and maturing you will hinder your children. Remembering to respond correctly in the middle of it is difficult at times. When all the kids are screaming in the middle of Walmart I definitely understand the why's behind the "crazy lady's" reaction. Without Jesus I don't know how parents do it? How do they regain composure and make the right choice when it matters so much? Our children are watching our responses. We can tell them all day how to act, but if we can't muster up our own self-control they too will have issues. They are learning more from watching us than listening. (we all know they don't listen 1/2 the time anyways!) So my vow is to not be the crazy lady. At Walmart, or at home. To allow what I believe to govern what I think, say and do. (sound familiar Rhema-nites?) To allow my beliefs more control in my life than my emotions. It is easier said than done. Which is why, when I see the crazy lady at Walmart, I refuse to judge her, but pray for her. Offer a slight smile to her, hoping to catch her eye, and let her know I understand. If it weren't for the grace of God, and his strength in my life, I might be right there with her. As I type this, Liam is Hung-ary, Allie is POUNDING on her Piano and "singing" (Screaming) and Aedon is yelling at Liam to stop talking. :) And I am believing this Scripture...

Isaiah 40:31" But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint."

Allie's steps

Allie has started walking! She started about 2 weeks ago actually, but i just realized I never posted about it. After having 2 crazy boys, i really thought i had a corner on parenting young children, but girls are SO much different. I really am not sure why, I think it's a combination of my natural response and her unique differences that make it so extreme. She LOVES to walk to me and ask for kisses, and snuggles, something I still can't get my boys to do. :) She cares for her baby, and hugs her and kisses her. Such distinctions from my boys. Although my boys have "pets" (stuffed dogs) they sleep with, they are not usually interested in involving them in play, unless of course they are a ferocious monster trained to kill.

So, she took her first steps, while Will and I both watched in pride. I suspected she could walk earlier, but hadn't had a chance to sit with Will and patiently wait for those first wonderful steps, so I didn't try to get her to, because I didn't want Will to miss it.

We both were obviously excited, I was a little sad, but not as much as I expected to be. I thought since she is my last baby, I would be sad, but I am content, for now. To allow nature to take it's course. For her to grow and flourish.

Of course, now that she has been walking for a bit, she's an old pro. She took to climbing the stairs today, there will be no celebration for that though, just some baby proofing. :)

Discipline

One thing I absolutely HATE hearing parents say is "we use spankings as a last resort." There are so MANY things wrong with this one statement.

Now, let me clear the air, I'm a firm believer in Spankings as a form of discipline when it is administered correctly and preferably with some sort of paddle.

What bothers me so much about this statement?

1) if you don't believe in a method of discipline, DON'T USE IT! If you don't believe spankings are a correct method to discipline your children, by all means, STOP! Either research the Bible and find proof for or against, and pray and make your mind up, or don't use it.

Our children know when we are not convinced of our right to do something. If you feel like what you are doing is wrong, they will be able to tell, it will be an ineffective tool of discipline. Also, they won't trust your authority because you are not even convinced of it.

2.) Never turn to spankings when you are frustrated. When someone says it's there last resort, it usually means that they are at the end of their rope. It means that they have given up on the other forms of discipline, and are ready for drastic extremes. Usually this kind of "discipline" is no discipline at all. A spanking, motivated by frustration, run by emotion and anger is not discipline. It is usually vengeance by the hand of the parent. The worst kind of abuse have been administered by a parent who never believed in spankings, and allowed themselves to turn to it when they were angry and could not control themselves. A Spanking should be administered with as little emotion attached to the act itself. A child has earned their spanking, by being defiant/disobedient, and will receive their discipline. Much like the cashier hands over your purchase that you have bought, a child "buys" his discipline. We are just the one to administrate it. Not to say that there are not emotions involved, because there are, but our emotions should not drive a spanking. A great chance of love and closeness WILL occur after a spanking is delivered, ESPECIALLY if it was not delivered with anger or frustration. This of course takes patience, practice and time.

3.) There should be no last resort:

Discipline works by being consistent. Even if you have to discipline your child all day long, there should not be a last resort. We CANT give up, the stake are too high. If you find yourself frustrated, irritated, angry and upset with your child, take a breath, take a break, your child doesn't have to receive his discipline the exact second the misbehavior occurs, many times stopping and thinking through discipline has a better result than just reacting to the misbehavior with whatever pops into your head.

We cannot allow ourselves to get so upset with our kids that we are tempted to give up. Some children ARE more strong-willed than others, and they take a certain kind of patience, and perseverance. I am unsure how parents of strong-willed children succeed without Jesus, as I run to him constantly when i began to feel overwhelmed by my own Strong-willed boy. There is no last resort, we MUST preserver!

Also, let me interject, I don't think Spankings are the only type of discipline, I do however believe they are most affective when your child defies you. When they look you right in the eye and say "i will not obey". That is when spankings are most affective and needful in my opinion.

I will post more on this topic later

Aedon came down stairs from his nap, in just his underwear, with his sock's tied around his ankles. I wish I could've taken a picture of it, but I think he would've been embarrassed. He has an obsession with tying things lately. Maybe it's because he's been tying his shoes (or trying to at least). We are constantly having to untie a car that has been tied to a plane, which was tied to a boat... Thankfully he hasn't tried tying anything to his siblings (yet) just himself.

He also has a great vocabulary, and loves to talk. I think quality time may be his love language as he is always saying "momma I want to spend special time with you." It is very sweet. He said to me the other day "momma, I am very old, I am 5 and 3 coins old." "5 and 3 quarters Aedon?" -me "yep!"-Aedon. :D

something stinks...

Today, as I was changing Alanna’s diaper, Aedon came in to try and coerce me into buying him something. As soon as he got close to the contents of Allie’s diaper, he started gagging. He held his breath, plugged his nose and RAN out of the room as quickly as he could. I of course, along with Allie, thought this was quite funny. I called him back in to ask him to dispose of the dirty diaper; I could see the hesitation in his eyes as if to ask, “Are you really asking me to touch that thing??” Alas, he did what he was asked, with nose plugged, breath held and holding the dirty diaper by its corner, as far away from his body as possible. He then proceeded to approach Liam, He said “Liam, smell this diaper…” Liam’s response? “mmmm”. Wow. Boys amaze me. I think I have seen it all, been exposed to it all, and I am still amazed. Haha Im sure this is not solely a “boy” thing but just a quirk of a 3 year old, but I’d rather blame it on boys in general, because there is NO WAY he got that from ME! :D

Speaking of growth...

Little Liam is in a mood. He doesn’t want to obey, he doesn’t want to submit and he certainly doesn’t want to show me his happy heart. He is however making me so proud right now, because he IS using his words. Those of you whom have encountered Liam in a fowl mood know this, that kid is LOUD, and he knows how to throw a good fit. Liam started his fit throwing stage at about 9 months, before he could walk. HE would bang his little head on the ground over and over in attempt to get his way. Not only was this ineffective at getting his way, he had a perpetual bruise on his forehead for months. It did however break my heart, but I decided long ago to be more strong-willed than he could ever be, for the stakes are too high to allow him to win. After the head-banging stage, which lasted well into his 2^nd birthday, came the screaming and throwing himself around. Liam had some moves! His cries would echo through Wal-Mart like a roar. I’m surprised no one called DHS for fear of his life. It’s certainly by the grace of God that we have made it through this stage. I may be speaking prematurely to say we are out of the woods, but I can see daylight! There is hope!

He has become quite the proficient communicator. Trying desperately to win me over with his words, and pleas for agreement. Alas he looses the battle, but throws in a good fit for a last straw. The fit lands him some time to sit and gain self-control.

As he sits quietly, I can’t help but smile. What a long way we have come little Liam. Not to say that the battles are over, for Liam always seems to have some fight left in him, but thankfully so do I.

Growth Chart

It's funny how whenever I start to get comfortable, God likes to challenge me to grow. I have been listening to Connie Brown talk about parenting (in her series, "I got stretch marks for this?"). In this teaching series she talks about growth, and that the growth of the parent directly correlates with the growth of the child. I have been mulling this over for the last several weeks.

Anyone who personally knows us knows that our kids are wonderful, and that we have a very strong-willed child named Liam. Liam has been challenging me to grow all his life. Often times when we feel stretched we blame the child, or their temperament, not realizing that God was full-aware of the temperament of each child he would bless us with, and the weaknesses in our own lives we will have to overcome to reach our full potential. I propose that when we feel stretched, when we are stressed out and feel overwhelmed because of one of our children, it is simply an area that we need to grow. Every time i hear these words "I am Stressed out right now" come out of my mouth, I realize, I need to grow up.

Now, i consider myself to be a fairly mature person, and it's a tough pill for me to swallow at times to realize that my child's growth is stunted by my refusal to grow.

This i know, when Liam starts to argue with me, and i've had a long day, i physically feel my body brace itself for the oncoming battle that i know will ensue. My voice rises, i start to think irrationally and react, quickly and compulsively instead of a measured response that serves everyone best. Why is it that we excuse ourselves from growth, but expect our children to tow the line? We feel because we are the adult, it must be because he threw a temper tantrum in wal mart that we are stressed, overlooking the fact that we made him skip his nap and substituted lunch with goldfish. Or we blow up on our children because we have told them 5 times to make their bed and it is still left unmade. we tend to dismiss the fact that had we disciplined them the first time they disobeyed and every time after, we wouldn't be yelling at them, for something we've allowed them to do.

I find I am in need of real growth. I need to be more patient, more understanding, more apt to say yes. I need to let loose with my kids, play and enjoy them more. I know that I do a great job with them, but my desire is to be a mirror to them, of their heavenly father. That Will and I can show them what repentance and true forgiveness looks like. That we can equip and enable them to govern themselves, and allow themselves to be governed by the Holy Spirit.

So, today I look at my growth chart, and realize, I have improved and grown further in these last months then I even knew was needful. I am excited about the future, knowing more growth is sure to occur, and realizing that though it is painful, it is vital to not only my kids reaching their full potential, but so that i might reach mine as well.

Feistiness

Alanna (aka Allie) is not only our last baby (by our plans at least), she also is the only girl, and she tries to run this place. She has recently begun attacking the boys. She will follow after them, on her knees, and pounce. She literally kneels there with her arms above her head and throws herself down on their unsuspecting bodies. I tell her no, she looks at me with disdain only a woman can give, and does it again. Her favorite move seems to be a direct slap in the face though. I think she gets the best reaction to that. She is resiliant, persistant and fiesty, but she is a Harper, she gets it honest (all from her dad of course).

All of my children have a feistiness to them. Aedon is by far the most mellow, although when he was a baby we were convinced he was strong-willed. Turns out we didn't even know what strong-willed looked like, he was just whiney because we babied him.

Liam is my strong-willed child. He started asserting his will at the ripe age of 4 months, and it's been a challenging battle at times, but also very rewarding. Strong-willed children are very passionate. Liam is passionate about getting his own way, and about being in control. He is also passionate about his little sister (it took some time, but now it's a positive thing), he is passionate about his family, and he is learning to be passionate about others. We have moments of outright defiance, but nothing in comparison to the previous years of frustration when he would bang his little head on the floor in anger.

I am uncertain to what degree Allie is blessed with strong-willed tendencies. We will soon find out I am sure. She certainly has the best expressions, and does not fail to communicate herself with others. Allie doesn't need words, just a look. That i'm certain she got from her father.

passion

It’s 7 am, all 3 of my children are awake, and characteristically starving. Liam, my 3 year old has asked 5 times to eat cearal, with a bowl and spoon and milk, I am still trying to wake up, so he must wait.

Aedon and I are watching wonderpets, while Allie the baby is being a little energetic this morning jumping around on her hands and knees like a kangaroo. She is one, and not walking yet, but we are all fine with waiting for those first steps.

Aedon turns to me and says “mommy, I think Alanna has been drinking Daddy’s Crazy Juice…” yes, I think she has. We all have. This house is a bit crazy, a bit intense, and very passionate.

We are passionate about God, about reaching others and speaking life into everyday situations. We are passionate about our church www.churchoftheharvest.com , we are passionate about mentoring the next generation, and I am passionate about encouraging, uplifting and supporting mothers, and parents of all kinds. My desire is that I can help mothers to feel more confident about raising, teaching and disciplining their children.

As for now, my 3 year old is saying “I hungary, I hungary, I hungary” (I’m hungry) over and over again with his little face literally inches from mine.. I must feed him I suppose.